I spent last weekend in a town several hours from here, babysitting my older sister during her work conference. Long story. But during the time I was there, I read, from start to finish, the wonderful blog at 365 Reasons 2 Sober. The author writes every day, or close to it. She talks about her current journey, but each day she also includes a “mistake,” or something horrible that happened while she was drinking. I really admire her dedication to the blog, and her willingness to revisit dark times so regularly. And although she was a regular black-out drinker and I was more a daily drinker, I identify with many of her mistakes completely. Her blog inspired me to revisit The Lowest Low with Part II, which I’ll try to do soon.
As for me? Well, I’m doing great. I feel very calm, almost serene, and more consistently so than I have since I quit drinking. I feel more and more like myself all the time. My relationship is improved tenfold – we talk instead of fighting about issues, and I’m so much more appreciate and positive about Andrew than I was while drinking. We’re moving soon, to a great new flat, and my job is going well. I feel my replacement sugar addition starting to wane, which is great news since it was starting to concern me. And all in all I just find myself smiling and happy more than I could have imagined five months ago.
One thing I’ve noticed is that my complete lack of a functional life routine has persisted even in sobriety. I just never got into a good system in terms of doing laundry, figuring out when to shower (before work? At night?), getting just, like, life stuff done regularly. My car is always full of stuff – clothes, Tupperware containers from the lunches I pack for work, a yoga mat that never makes it into the house, etc. I need to get an oil change and refill my windshield wiper fluids. I need a haircut. I need to remove my toenail polish. I have packages of online clothes purchases that I must return. The tires on my bike are flat. Just, you know, STUFF. Stuff that I was used to letting pile up while drinking. Stuff that I can now make part of a regular, normal schedule. I can find a way to work these tasks into real, normal life, instead of just scrambling to do them whenever I can manage (often too late). I don’t have to put things off because of hangovers anymore, and I don’t have to write off my evenings as useless, either. I can make my life much more manageable. There’s nothing stopping me.